Continuing the tradition of absolutely hideous Total Justice merchandise comes the cover and one inside page of the Total Justice Storybook from newest F.O.A.M. member Joe Huber.
The cover is done in that lifeless 3D computer modeling style, and you can just feel the excitement!
Aquaman didn't make it onto the cover, but he is there on the inside page, taking on the new, uglier Despero, along with Hawkman and his Atomic-Powered Corn Chips.
More from the Total Justice coloring book, courtesy F.O.A.M. member Damian Maffei.
Interesting that they bothered to work in Barbara Gordon, who seems even more dignified when posed next to the heroes of the DCU in their uber-silly "Fractal Tech-Gear."
And on the second page, all I can of think of is: "Ok everybody, stop playing on Darkseid!"
My pal and F.O.A.M. member Damian Maffei emailed me a few weeks ago asking me if I owned the Total Justice coloring book, since it did feature some Aquaman stuff in it.
My reaction was swift: "There's a Total Justice coloring book?!?" Why had no one informed me of this?
Apparently there was a bit of a marketing push for the (IMO) ill-advised and downright goofy TJ line, and no line of tie-ins is complete without a coloring book(I think there was even--Neptune help us--some sort of audio adventure book and cassette set. I've gotta track that down someday!).
So Damian helpfully sent me a few pages of coloring/game pages, and they are every bit as goofy as the figures themselves--even more so, I'd say, since the coloring book is trying to look all kid-friendly and happy, and yet it's based on a toy line all about Channeling Your Rage and/or injecting steroids into your buttocks(sorry, Roger Clemens has been in the news a lot lately).
This is part of a 5-figure JLA boxed set, which featured this monstrosity plus an Angry Hologram Martian Manhunter, an Angry Robin, an Angry Impulse, and an Angry Superboy. The only reason I even have this is a friend at the time wanted the Superboy, so we went in on the set together and I got the Aquaman. The other three figures are undoubtedly not rotting away in a landfill somewhere.
This might be the single ugliest action figure ever, and is certainly the worst piece of Aquaman merch, bar none. This thing is intended to appeal to the nonsensical impulse buy of the Mad Collector, who simply must have every figure in the line and doesn't think about how hideous what it is they're buying (I'm looking in the mirror as I type this). After I'm gone, my friends and family might, just might, want some of my Aquaman stuff because it strikes their fancy, or reminds them of me, or a combo of the two.
But no one will ever want this.
Ok, enough negativity--tomorrow is something super-super-super-cool, in a post I call (in my best Stan Lee style) "But A Step--The Ridiculous to the Sublime Is!"
Ok--yesterday was the regular version of the Total Justice figure. Today is one of the dreaded "variants" that toy collectors love--a small change on a figure making it rare, collectible, whatever. Normally Aquaman's silly chest-armor is black, but for this one his silly chest-armor is gold. Who cares? Exactly. Yet I bought this as soon as I found it.
All my favorite heroes look like enraged, deranged bullys; the packaging is uber dark, and I can never say "Fractal Techgear" without laughing. Kids deserve toys that inspire the imagination and happy play, not ones that show their heroes to be angry, violent steroid-factories.
And of course, just to make it worse, the TJ line was created during Aquaman's Bedraggled Loser Phase, so that just makes this figure all the more lame.
This was part of an odd line of action figures sold only at the WB stores in the late 90s. These are just repaints of the classic Total Justice line, which holds the distinction of being probably the single ugliest line of action figures, ever.
The line included those characters you see on the package, but no Superman. Odd.
Anyway, since they were sold only at the WB stores, picking this up gave me the opportunity to buy a cheap repaint of a figure I already owned and hated, and pay $10.00 for the privilege.
Continuing the tradition of absolutely hideous Total Justice merchandise comes the cover and one inside page of the Total Justice Storybook from newest F.O.A.M. member Joe Huber.
