Aquaman in "Sacked"

"The LORD gave, and the LORD hath taken away"--Job 1:21


I think we can all agree that this is a great time for Aquaman; he's played a major role in Brightest Day, is playing a major role in Flashpoint, and is on his way to getting his own series again, after almost half a decade in comic book limbo.

And this week in particular is great for the Sea King: he's appearing in two different comics (Emperor Aquaman and Batman: Brave and the Bold), and his Brightest Day action figure also was released. In short, Aquaman is all over the world's comic book shops right now. And that's a good thing.

But there's something none of us are talking about--like we're too afraid to face it. Maybe, if we collectively don't acknowledge it, it will just go away.

But that's not how the Shrine does business--as much as this blog (and Facebook page, and Twitter feed) is dedicated to celebrating any and all aspects of the character, it doesn't shy away from the bad stuff, the humiliating stuff, the stuff of every Aqua-Fan's nightmares.

To wit, I give you: The Justice League in "Sacked":

Great Neptune, I can't think of a more humiliating appearance for the Sea King--he never gets to do anything and has to be rescued by his JLA pals and a couple of football players high on a Subway sandwich rush.

On top of that, its his two villains that are the bad guys of the piece, and here Aquaman is presented as unable to deal with them, with the JLA having to step in to do the heavy lifting.

To rub salt in the wound, when Aquaman does finally wake up, Batman is there to condescend to him like he's a wayward child:

Wait--Aquaman shouldn't go swimming alone, because it's too dangerous? Aquaman, King of the Seven Seas? That Aquaman? Wow, you'd have to back to Martin Pasko to find a more kick-in-the-gut moment for our hero!

I'm not sure what the LexCorp-esque Subway Sandwich Corporation and writer B. Clay Moore have against the Sea King, but the Shrine is bestowing upon them the first-ever "Sleeps With The Fishes" Award, for Crimes Against Aquaman. I am melting down some pennies to make a trophy as I type this.

It is all the more bitter since this comic appears the same week when Aquaman was finally, finally making some headway out of Punchlineville with his other appearances. But this reminds us that all it takes is one writer (and one heartless corporate monolith--okay, two, since DC signed off on this) to stamp the Sea King with a giant "L" on his forehead all over again.

This comic was inserted in some of DC's August cover-dated books (like BATB #8, for instance). Its marked as "1 of 4" so I can only assume we'll be seeing more of them in upcoming months. Let's hope Aquaman just steers clear of the whole thing.

If he doesn't, I can only imagine what might be next: Mera dumps Aquaman for Jared?


Update 6/13/11: As per the comments, the writer of "Sacked", B. Clay Moore, fesses up to being a fan of the Sea King. I communicated with B. privately and told him I hope he took this piece in the spirit it was intended--a ridiculously over-the-top condemnation of a little silly piece of comic book licensing.

He completely did, calling it "This may be my favorite negative review of one of my stories ever. I humbly offer my apologies to Aquanation" on his Facebook page. All is forgiven, Mr. Moore!